The "Real" Stephen R. Hayes Story
The “Real” Stephen R. Hayes Story
Many of you have met, worked with or heard of Stephen R. Hayes. Stephen has been a mainstay in the DC, MD, and VA theater circuit for the last 54 years. Whether you are a friend, acquaintance, or just a listener to the legend, there are certain things that most of you don’t know about Mr. “Stephen R.”
The Stephen R. that is known today wasn’t always Stephen R. Born in the Ukraine during the “Festival of the Loons” to two Polish circus tightrope walkers; Mr. Hayes was christened Sir Rodney Fayman Ustauv. Later in his life he was quoted as saying, “That damned Rodney, he even stole my name!”
Stephen R.’s childhood was a difficult one with all of the circus chores he was challenged with, but by the time he was nine years old he was promoted to Assistant Manager In Charge of Sheep Droppings Removal, a position that was unheard of for someone of his young age. “Oh yeah, I was proud of that job. There was no one else who could shovel the sheep droppings like me. That position started to prepare me for a life of dinner theater.” Stephen R. recently said during a CBS 60 Minutes interview with Morley Shaffer, “During my down time I would practice setting tables and pretend to serve non-alcoholic drinks in souvenir glasses. You should have seen my pretend tips.”
Life looked good for Hayes until tragedy struck in his 16th year. Stephen R. traded in his empty vodka bottles for a one-way ticket to “anywhere-but-here-land” on a freight barge. During that journey “Peanuts”, as he was known to the ship hands, would dance and sing songs from the Broadway musical “I Do, I Do” for scraps of food and a place to lay his head. “What doesn’t kill ya, makes ya stronger.” he was known to say. He also often asked, “Do you think I’m wearing too much makeup?” to the chagrin of the other passengers, mostly hoofed animals. It was rare for icebergs to be found floating in the Panama Canal but in the summer of 1947 Stephen R.’s vessel ran head on into an iceberg. This incident is the only known ship to sink and never be found in the Panama Canal. It was later discovered that it was not an actual iceberg that sunk the ship but the remnants of cubes from a Super Big Gulp.
As a young healthy man, Hayes swam the 12 feet to the break-wall and lifted himself out of the water. Completing his three days of rest needed to recoup from the nautical mishap he started his journey on foot to the “promise land”, Woodbridge, VA. Stephen R. enjoyed his trek through Central America sleeping in sugar cane and poppy fields and going by the name Chica Escobar (scholars could never figure out why he went by that name). By the time he crossed the plains of Mexico he had his first mid-life crisis wondering if he’d ever break into the Mid-Atlantic, Eastern, DC Metropolitan dinner theater circuit.
Chu Chu
But a sombrero-wearing burro named Chu Chu came to him in a ganja-induced state and told him of the many opportunities to direct and star regional dinner theater. This event gave Chica his new lust for life.
After many miles of walking, hitchhiking, swimming and crawling he made it to the US border. Without proper identification the authorities were hesitant to let him into the country but he explained that he needed to be admitted to fulfill his dream of creating a dinner theater industry the border guards immediately let him in. But there was one caveat, there was already someone named Chica Escobar in the US and hence “Stephen R. Hayes” was born.
As they say, the rest is history. Stephen R. made his way up the east coast and is now known as the Father of Dinner Theater and if you listen very closely to the wind late at night (behind any dumpster at a dinner theater) you can still hear Chu Chu the burro baying, “Stephen R., Stephen R., you’re a star.” And now you know.
This is an unauthorized biography.
Many of you have met, worked with or heard of Stephen R. Hayes. Stephen has been a mainstay in the DC, MD, and VA theater circuit for the last 54 years. Whether you are a friend, acquaintance, or just a listener to the legend, there are certain things that most of you don’t know about Mr. “Stephen R.”
The Stephen R. that is known today wasn’t always Stephen R. Born in the Ukraine during the “Festival of the Loons” to two Polish circus tightrope walkers; Mr. Hayes was christened Sir Rodney Fayman Ustauv. Later in his life he was quoted as saying, “That damned Rodney, he even stole my name!”
Stephen R.’s childhood was a difficult one with all of the circus chores he was challenged with, but by the time he was nine years old he was promoted to Assistant Manager In Charge of Sheep Droppings Removal, a position that was unheard of for someone of his young age. “Oh yeah, I was proud of that job. There was no one else who could shovel the sheep droppings like me. That position started to prepare me for a life of dinner theater.” Stephen R. recently said during a CBS 60 Minutes interview with Morley Shaffer, “During my down time I would practice setting tables and pretend to serve non-alcoholic drinks in souvenir glasses. You should have seen my pretend tips.”
Home away from home
Life looked good for Hayes until tragedy struck in his 16th year. Stephen R. traded in his empty vodka bottles for a one-way ticket to “anywhere-but-here-land” on a freight barge. During that journey “Peanuts”, as he was known to the ship hands, would dance and sing songs from the Broadway musical “I Do, I Do” for scraps of food and a place to lay his head. “What doesn’t kill ya, makes ya stronger.” he was known to say. He also often asked, “Do you think I’m wearing too much makeup?” to the chagrin of the other passengers, mostly hoofed animals. It was rare for icebergs to be found floating in the Panama Canal but in the summer of 1947 Stephen R.’s vessel ran head on into an iceberg. This incident is the only known ship to sink and never be found in the Panama Canal. It was later discovered that it was not an actual iceberg that sunk the ship but the remnants of cubes from a Super Big Gulp.
As a young healthy man, Hayes swam the 12 feet to the break-wall and lifted himself out of the water. Completing his three days of rest needed to recoup from the nautical mishap he started his journey on foot to the “promise land”, Woodbridge, VA. Stephen R. enjoyed his trek through Central America sleeping in sugar cane and poppy fields and going by the name Chica Escobar (scholars could never figure out why he went by that name). By the time he crossed the plains of Mexico he had his first mid-life crisis wondering if he’d ever break into the Mid-Atlantic, Eastern, DC Metropolitan dinner theater circuit.
Chu ChuBut a sombrero-wearing burro named Chu Chu came to him in a ganja-induced state and told him of the many opportunities to direct and star regional dinner theater. This event gave Chica his new lust for life.
After many miles of walking, hitchhiking, swimming and crawling he made it to the US border. Without proper identification the authorities were hesitant to let him into the country but he explained that he needed to be admitted to fulfill his dream of creating a dinner theater industry the border guards immediately let him in. But there was one caveat, there was already someone named Chica Escobar in the US and hence “Stephen R. Hayes” was born.
As they say, the rest is history. Stephen R. made his way up the east coast and is now known as the Father of Dinner Theater and if you listen very closely to the wind late at night (behind any dumpster at a dinner theater) you can still hear Chu Chu the burro baying, “Stephen R., Stephen R., you’re a star.” And now you know.
This is an unauthorized biography.
posted by Jim Lawson | 10:32 AM
1 Comments:
I had no idea, that is one big tale of living one's dreams at all costs cost. I had one question why did the guards at the boader really let him in?
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